We may not have it all together, but, together we have it ALL!!

I recently read this quote and for the past few days this is what has been screaming out to me but this says it so exact.

We may not have it all together, but, together we have it ALL!!

Hummmm! And to think I continue to think I can do everything and go it alone.

When I was living in North Carolina a few years ago and struggling with my two girls all by myself, my husband asked me to come home. He said, "Apart we are going to continue to struggle but together we can accomplish so much more." I moved back to North Florida and we have accomplished many amazing things as a team some monetary and other important ones such as two happy, healthy daughter.

I remember other times when I have worked with other people instead of doing my life alone, I have created AMAZING things. Miracles Happen such as: raised $17,000 in 30 hours for my surgery, planned a successful Peace Rally for an entire community to heal after a fatal shooting which left the entire country scared, an amazing summer in Wyoming earning $10,000 a month while I got to shoot some amazing photographs, two weekend craft shows with profits of over $20,000, and more.....

But I still can kick myself int he BUTT. I continue to do many things alone. It is as if I am on automatic pilot and I never think about doing it any other way.

As I look at all the success people who are making a lot of money, have freedom and time to enjoy it, they could never possibly do it alone. They have teams of people helping them. The success Internet marketers are all working together the way that the banking institutions and automakers used to it is just there selling using a different medium.

I am asking myself so serious questions tonight. I am taking a hard look at my reality and wondering, WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING FOOL?

Why doing I keep doing things the hard way such as;

• Why am I working at the school everyday by myself trading time for money and making pennies?



• Why am I trading my time for money and making barely enough to live on?



• Why am I working on building a website myself?



• Why am I writing copy?



• Why am I cooking all the meals in my house and sometimes 4 meals a day?



• Why am I running around making everyone else happy and not taking time for me?



• Why am I picking up the feed for the horses?



• Why am I doing all the grocery shopping?



• Why am I ......



• ETC.....



• ETC......

I am sure you can get the picture. It is no wonder why I get so burned out before I really get the momentum going on a project. I see why I start so many things and never finish them.

I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I am sick of doing it alone.

I am asking myself this question;

How does one move from the POWER of ME to the POWER of WE?

1. Gather mentors who are successful at the Power of We


2. Find people to buddy up with to accomplish tasks


3. Ask people for help


4. Look for opportunities to share my talents


5. Find people who have the talents I need and barter with them


6. Take time for me to recharge my batteries


7. Stop volunteering in places that does not honor me.


8. Stop trading time for money


9. Look for ways to partner with other people who have products and JV with them


10. Piggyback on other get ideas

I will continue to expand on this. I think I am onto something huge here. I know that I continue to fall right back into my DO IT ALONE behavior if I do not reach out and take a stand that I am giving it up. I give it up right here and now. I am going for an awesome TEAM. Together WE have it ALL!

We can regain our FREEDOM, FINANCIAL WEALTH, HAPPINESS and the TIME TO ENJOY IT ALL!

Overcoming Obstacles

I haven't written a blog entry in a week or so and if I really wanted to, I could come up with 1000 reasons why but really there is only one... I was resisting telling you I have been off track.

I have been WAY off track with my saving money and my loosing pounds.

I did like I do most of the time. I get passionate about something, dedicated, creative and begin to focus on me but then I come to a screeching halt and create a million and ten things to get in my way.

Recently I have wanted to take up my interest in photography again. I want to begin to learn the digital world of photography. I feel that I am way behind the times still shooting on film. I wanted to do something for me.

I know that this one is huge for me. I have always wanted to be a photographer and publish a book on my work but I have some HUGE fears sounding this that have kept me from staying focused on it.

It is easier to let life stop me. It is easier for me to create OBSTACLES and blame them such as my kids and all their needs, or I have to be with the kids at my school all day, the horses take so many hours of my day, I do not have money for the equipment, I do not have the skills to market myself, I have been away from it for too long, I do not know my market, etc.............

I could go on all day but why?

Why in the world am I focusing on what are my obstacles ?

DUH!!!! It is time to focus on my passion. PHOTOGRAPHY

I am a dynamic photographer. If there is something I do not have or know... I will attract it.

MY KIDS ARE SUPPORTIVE... THEY ARE MY MODELS AND BEAUTIFUL ONES AT THAT. The kids at school are great subjects also. Horses are great subjects also and bring me peace. I have asked a friend to borrow hers so I can learn now and I will plan to own one soon, I will acquire the skills to market myself or find someone who can, I will spend the time learning now and have fun doing it. I even assisted a friend shoot this past weekend and we are buddying up to support each other.

I am turning all my obstacles into something positive. I feel so much better. Look out world cause I am going to capture some amazing photographs of beauty for others to see.

I must keep the focus and the momentum going. It is time for me to be selfish and make ME important.

I am taking care and loving me.

DREAMER VS REALIST

I am excited today.

I read a blog from a former client and then went to her website only to see a picture of her and her new husband. She is 47 and has never been married until now.

What makes this really cool is she packed up her home and moved to France. She listened to her heart and her desire to live in Paris even though everyone she knows including her mother resides in the America.

She was a energetic match with France. It inspired her and brought her into a vibrational match with the man she was dreaming and creating.

We must get out of our comfort zones and take daring inspired actions if we are going to have the life of our dreams. I know this sounds like a fairytale but you know, why not live a magical existence?

I have spent my life being a DREAMER.

Reality and what the world teaches us we must do such as study, get good grades, work really hard, become successful, buy a house, settle down, get married, have kids, keep working hard, be what everyone thinks you should be and do just are some wacko BELIEFS that are not mine.

I want to DREAM. I am a DREAMER.

I looked up dreamer in the dictionary.

1. a person who dreams.
2. a person who lives in a world of fantasy; one who is impractical and unrealistic.
3. a person whose ideas or projects are considered audacious or highly speculative; visionary.

I was amazed reading the definition as it seems that a dreamer is looked down upon as one who is impractical and unrealistic. If there were not people like my self, the dreamers and visionaries, we would not have the Internet, the cell phone, the computer, the television and most assuredly we would all be the same and living REALISTICALLY.

I looked up realism.

1. a concern for fact or reality and rejection of the impractical and visionary

It is no wonder why realistic people find it hard to understand dreamers and vise verse. I have not had a job in 25 years. Whenever I start thinking I need to get realistic and get a job, to settle down and stay in one place, to work real hard or to stop dreaming something helps me wake up from that night mare thankfully.

It is most natural for me to dream and use the law of attraction to bring things to me. I get myself into trouble when I start trying to live my life according to the beliefs of others.

When I am true to who Marianne is I am a:

dreamer

visionary

traveler

leader

creator

I am going to step up and all the ME that I can BE. I am going to write about my dreams and see where they take me. Like my client above, I am going to go against the grain and live my life not someone elses.

STAY TUNED.

I Kept Going

I was riding my horse after my post eariler and I came to a place that I keep stopping at.

I was scared to move out of my comfort zone as my horse descided to buck a little and wanted to go back home. I wanted to freeze and go home also. I turned her around and headed for home.

Then my daughter told me to keep going on. Stop allowing my fear to stop me and do something new. She reminded me how many times I had told her the same thing. I knew I was at a cross roads and I could either descide to allow my fear to stop me or relax and move through it.

I jumped over my fear and felt free. I road home and was much more relaxed and so was Scribbles.

It is amazing what she is teaching me.

Clarity - Child-like Eyes

I wanted to begin this blog today writing about clarity.

Whew have I opened a can of worms.

I am looking for the essential part of my existence.

Until I find that essential - and it may not be what I think is essential - My heart won't truly be satisfied, I will not be at peace.

Unless we find the essential, our thirst cannot be quenched. Existence cannot allow it; it wants us to find out the very truth of life.

I am in a place of Divine Discomfort.

This is not about my external circumstances. This is not about my home, my job, money or lack of it, not about my marriage or my children.

This is about ME finding my essence.

I am asking to see the truth. To see without all the beliefs and concepts I have.

To open my eyes to see with wonder and clarity.

Questions I am asking myself

What do you want to do? (desire)
What can you do? (ability)
What should you do? (purpose)
What must you do? (need)

Awakening

Patience is a lesson I have to relearn from time to time.

I want to know my next step right now. I want instant gratification and the answers to my most pressing questions such as.....

Where am I going?

What is the need that I can fill?

Who can I help?

What do I do effortlessly?

If money was not an object, what would I want to do?

Where do I want to live?

What do I want my life to look like?

I do enjoy the journey as difficult as it may seem at times.

I have found through the years I have collapsed myself with others and now I find myself asking, "Where is Marianne?"

I have done this several times in my marriages. I have lost my sense of SELF.

I find when I gave up my power to conform or to make another person happy at the cost of my happiness I lost my identity. I lost touch with my soul. I lost connection to the divine.

It happened so stealth like. I gave up my power. I feel trapped. I feel like a prisoner. Sometimes I feel drained from the subtle brainwashing. Eventually, such a high level of dependency occurs that I forgot my identity I became so concerned with pleasing others I forgot the most important person in the equation: myself.

Forced into behavioural patterns that are not within my true nature, pushed to undertake things that do not resonate with the spirit within. There is a lack of clarity , no direction as I became more dependent on others, their vision became mine, their beliefs became , mine as I gradually molded into someone who I can no longer recognize.

I am now at a place of awakening, an inkling deep inside that perhaps the whole situation is not quite right. There are small clues and hints which became visable for me over time as the awakening gradually increases. What caused this awakening?

An aguement over a birthday present for my daughter. It triggered deep within, a memory, a suspicion a rebellious thought regarding the person holding my self power. As time passed the suspicions grew, I became more astute, I watched and listened, actions were speaking louder then words.

These suspicions grew until I gathered the inner strength to say no. Then I watched and listened to the behaviour of my power taker, noticeing him grasping for control by attempting to exert his authority over me in one way or another, emotional black mail, manipulation and using my personal knowledge against me. Knowing the one main way to hurt me was with my child.

Once I began to have clear focus, once I saw the true nature of the relationship, I began to gather strength and energy to reclaim my self empowerment, reclaim one of the most important aspects of myself. It is not easy, not by a long shot, in fact it is going to be a very long, painful struggle, but ultimately the reward is priceless.

The reward being freedom, wholeness, oneness, the power to be ME and develop into what I have the potential to be.

It was necessary to become aware of what was limiting my results, learn to begin accepting responcibility for the results that I am experiencing and make the conscious choice to discover the underlying cause for those outcomes.

Tomorrow I am going to go more into my beliefs. What are the ones stopping me that I must change to live the life of my dreams.

STUFFocation

STUFFocation - Simply put, it's suffocation by stuff.

I find that my home and my body go hand in hand.

I have been battling the bulge in my body and also my home continues to get full of clutter.

I shed a few pounds and at the same time I am cleaning out my closets.

I remember when I lived in my condo in Wellington, I had it decorated with an Asian theme. Every item had it's place. There was not any clutter.

I long for that peace and serenity again.

Clarity. Peace. Creativity. Love

And SO IT IS.......

Out with the STUFF.

Day 12 - Feeling Frustrated

In David R. Hawkins book, Power vs Force, sadness, anxiety, frustration, depression and fear are low levels of consciousness.

I studied his book and his material a few years ago and I am finding it is time for a refresher.

I have glimpses and times where I swing between the lows (fear) and feelings the highs (joy).

I feel like I am on a ride a the fair where my stomach has that sick feeling as I feel the really high points with excitement and then I swoop until I hit rock bottom.

My goal is to be in higher states of consciousness such as happiness, joy, love and peace. These times we are living in now it seems that the collective consciousness is in fear and anger most of the time.

It is what I desire for myself and others to become aware and to clear what is holding us in this lower state. I will keep you posted as I become aware and we can release together.

Today is Halloween. I am excited to spend time with my kids watching them trick or treat.

NO CANDY FOR ME!!!!

Day 9 Turning Away Temptations

The candy witch was haunting me all day today.


She was tempting me with her goodies and I am so proud to say I pushed them away.

WOW ! Do I feel great.

I have made such great strides in such a short time. Not only is my waistline decreasing and so is my negative self talk.

I can look at the candy witch with her goodies and when she says, "Come here my pretty." It feels so good to say HELL NO.

I am creating a NEW life. One of Power and Passion.

The temptations that caused me dis-ease and unhappiness do not have a place in my life. YAHOO!

I walked 2 times today. I will not take a day off again.

What About Me

Day 8 I Feel Like Crap

I give and give to make sure everyone else is happy and then I find myself saying ,"Well what about me?"

I support my kids and listen to their dreams and desires.

I make the family dinner and take care of every ones basic needs.

I do things to bring happiness to friends.

But what about me?

Why do I feel guilty buying a cell phone for me?
Why do I do without so my kids can have?

I think I have entered the Parent Trap. I have gone from Selfish to Selfless.

Ewe that doesn't feel so good.

My cup of life seems to have more holes of giving than I am receiving .

I want support. I want others to care about my dreams and desires especially my family.

I have asked. I have begged. I have thrown temper tantrums and nothing seems to help.

I am now going to pray and go inward. I am committed to changing this from the inside out.

I know I will drop some weight when I move through this one.

I have been tollerating it for way to long.

Day 5 - Roller Coaster Ride to Freedom

Here is a recent photo of myself on my horse Scribbles. I want you all to see the before and after. I want to share my loss with you and hopefully it will inspire you to take action and let loose all your unwanted baggage right along with me.

Can you see my deflated tire around my mid section? Look closer.

One of my daughter claims that I am not fat while my little one tells me the truth and says, " Mom you have a fat belly. Please loose it so you can wear nice clothes. "

I did have a WIN today. I put on a pair of pants that I have not been able to fit in for 4 -5 months and it was awesome. I fit in them with ease and room to spare.

It is amazing the impact of a few days of commitment and focus will have on ones self-esteem and life. I am sure my energy and balloon is flying a bit higher today than yesterday.

Now to my Roller Coaster Ride

Today I woke up feeling uneasy right off the bat. I must not have dumped my thoughts before I went to bed so first thing this morning I just wanted to crawl back in bed.

I had a task to do today that I was unsure about. I could have turned left and fallen off the top of the roller coaster or taken the right and road the highs with exhilaration. I choose the right road. It lead me up and down but it was fun. The other choice was one the was filled with heart ache and fear.

I started to tell Danielle that she could not lease the horse that she has been waiting to bring home for months. This horse will take her to the next level. She was crushed and depressed. I was scared about taking on another horse in this economy and also it was such a formal lease but it should have been cause he is a $40,000 horse. They are allowing her to have him for free. We just have to maintain his feed and up keep. He has so much to teach her.

I was allowing my fear to create more victim circumstances instead of trusting my higher self.

I decided to get into action. I got on the phone and when I began to connect with opportunities magical things began to happen.

I WAS CREATING MIRACLES

I felt all the pressure release and even though we had to drive 85 miles to Gainesville in the rain hauling a horse trailer and drive back with a new horse, it all went so smoothly.

I felt FREE! I was flying.

Well that is until we pulled back into town and stopped at Winn Dixie to get some groceries. The girls walked out of the store ahead of me and one of my negative relatives happened to confront the girls about why we had the horse trailer. We plugged back into the negativity and began saying harsh things to one another until we realized what was happening.

I know this is just another one of my sand bags that I must toss over the rail and let loose of some more weight.

Whew this is getting to be fun.

What will tomorrow bring?

I am excited that the results are visible and people are already noticing my weight loss.

Congratulations to ME!

PAT PAT PAT on my back.

Day 4 Food Log

I goofed. I have to admit I am writing this late and I have forgot some of the things I had to eat yesterday.

What I find funny about this is that as a human I can obsess of something that happened to me as a child and remember every detain but ask me what I ate yesterday and I do not have a clue.

Why is it that we make the past pains so important and the fuel we put into our temple so vague?

I focus on putting a better quality food in my mouth and I have stopped watching TV and I have given up coffee. I will work on my short term memory but here goes my attempt at yesterdays list.

7:30 am
water

8:30
1 cup Live Active Cereal
1/4 cup milk

I am not going to list all my glasses of water today by the hour but I did drink more than a gallon.

11 am
1/2 w/w pita bread
large table spoon of peanut butter

1 pm
apple

4 pm
piece of chicken

6 pm
sliced chicken
sliced beed
sliced pork
slice tomato
2 slices pickel
5 french fries
( what is really cool here is that I went to a resturant and ordered my usual club sandwich and I got rid of the bread and I only ate have the sandwich. That is a HUGE change !!! ) I did drink a pepsi but my first for the week.

9 pm
water

Day 4 What a Doozie

I feel change in the air.

My morning started off sort of crazy. I went for a short walk with kids in hand. They really wanted to go and are enjoying the adventures so I decided I would walk again later for me.

Wow! Three days ago I was only going for one 15 - 30 minute walk and just barely accomplishing that. Who would have know that today I would be motivated to go on not just 2 walks but I accomplished 4 walks.

YAHOO!

My husband and I have had a hard week this week. I allowed my daughter to get a small Yorkie for her 15th birthday because that is the only thing she wanted. Her father died in January and her brother who was 35 died 1 year ago also. This was her first birthday without her dad and he always made her birthday as magical as he could. She wanted the dog and how was I going to deny her of the one thing she wanted. I went against my husband and got the dog for her. Needless to say he is not talking to me. He has not talked to me all week. I do know that our relationship the way it is and has been for a long time is weighing me down.

I know that when I took on this journey of letting go of the things that are weighing me down that things were about to change in my life. Well it looks like they surely are. My energy is changing and so are the things around me.

I have more energy already. I am eating completely differently. I am fueling my body in the best way I can by what I am choosing to eat, what I am doing, who I am speaking with, and the environments I am surrounding myself with.

Before I married my husband, I very seldom watched TV. Now I am watching TV every night. I conformed and I hate it. I remember my mother giving in to my dad's bad habits. She wanted him to come home after work and instead he went to the local watering hole. She would have to go find and make him come home for dinner. She finally stopped trying to get him home and started joining him so she could see him. She hated it. I do not want to continue doing something I hate. We are eating dinner in front of IT. THE LIFE STEALER The shows my husband wants to watch are either mindless Sponge Bob which is full of nasty innuendos or Cop shows. UGH! I always said I never wanted to watch life happening on a TV instead I want to LIVE my life fully. I want to feel things, touch them and see them.

Tonight was so refreshing because he is mad so he went out to his cave. I call his workshop his cave. Who knows what he was thinking about but it was nice for me. I cleaned and cleaned. I spoke to a few friends and felt like a busy little bee, buzzing all around getting so many things accomplished that I ordinarily would not have done.

During my coaching call with my accountability partner, she made a suggestion that begin to work on my foundation. I agreed that would be a great place to focus my attention on. I know I have a lot to learn in this area. I can not say as if I have ever had my foundation really established. I have resisted it. I also can not say as if I even know what that would look like. But I am willing to learn.

I found myself today wanting to get a job. I want to bring in a steady income where I can get caught up on my bills and put money away in saving. I want a fun job that pays well. I want to do it from home or close by. I want it to energize me while at the same time feed my soul. I want my family to be happy for me and support me in my choice. I would like to focus on supporting someone else to get to their dream life and in turn that would push me one step closer to mine.

I think this would be a great first step at establishing my foundation.

I have a commitment to loose 50lbs and to have $5000 or better in my saving by May 1st 2009.

I already feel my life changing and tomorrow I am going to release some more weights.

Picture this... My life is a HOT AIR BALLOON

I am right now tethered down and I have so many sand bags in my basket the no matter how much hot air ( fuel ) I put in to create the life I want, it just isn't going to happen.

As I continue on this path, I will be taking the many sand bags and tossing them out while rising to new heights. I will be able to see amazing new possibilities. I will be soaring on new currents of air that will carry me to new opportunities to meet new people and see fabulous new places.

My goal is to toss the sand bags out with lightning speed no matter what they are.

UP UP AND AWAY I GO!!!!!!!!!

Day 3 Journal Entry

I began my walk a little later today. I began at 10 am and 3 kids wanted to walk with me. They asked and I said sure.

Well after we began I said to myself, " Why did you say yes? This is your time. Why did you allow them to come before you? How stupid are you? "

I descided today to go back into the woods and walk where I could explore and see new things along the journey instead of in the open pasture. It was wonderful except that I could not connect with nature because I had kids asking questions and stomping through the woods. If one was not talking then the other one was. They were hitting dead trees with sticks and my peace and serenity was long gone.

I did not feel my body like the day before. I was not aware of my muscles or my breathing. I could feel my knee pain but that was about it.

I saw some little hills that looked like fun to climb to push the level of intensity up on my walk so I trotted up and down them 5 times before walking ahead. It was fun. Each day I want to increase in some way. I want my fitness to be better and my health greater because of it.

My 6 year old suggested that we skip high and reach the sky. I did that also and it was exhilerating. I saw how planted my feet are to the ground. It was really difficult to jump up and feel light. I felt as I had 1000 pounds straped to my ankles holding me fixed to the ground.

I am thinking about how light I am now and going to be even lighter in the future.

I feel myself like a balloon effortlessly floating with the wind.

Tomorrow I will be walking alone.

Me, Myself and I

Day 2 Food List

8 am
glass of water

9am
1 cup Post Live Active Cereal
1/4 cup 2% milk

10 am
tomato - sliced
water

11 am
1/2 cup baked chicken slices
1 inch piece of hard sharp cheddar cheese
water

1 pm
small orange

4 pm
water

6 pm
1 cup red beans and rice
1/2 baked chicken
1 cup mixed vegtables - broccoli, carrots, corn, water chestnuts
water

7 pm
water

8 pm
water

9 pm
10 animal cookies
water

Coach -

Thanks for getting that to me.It doesn't seem like you are eating enough.Increase your protein, have protein at each meal.Eat veggies. Good job with water and schedule.Did you feel hungry. What emotions came up? Any urges or cravings?

Me -

I was not hungry.

I am going through anxiety some and fear. This is not due to food it is other things in my life.

I will eat more protein. I had limited groceries and have to make due until Friday. I did crave a soda late in the day but chose water.

Coach -

Please walk and journal to release some stress. Remember you have a buddy.

Day 2

Day 2 11 AM

I began my walk today with a great sense of anxiety in my body and mind. I was looking forward to my walk that is not where the anxiety was coming from . It was from my life. I notice also that when I drink a cup of coffee in the morning it heightens the feelings of fear. I am giving up drinking coffee and I will now switch to tea and see how that effects me.

I live in the county on a beautiful equestrian farm. I have many acres of pasture and woods to talk my morning walks in. I found today when I walked alone I had more of a connection to my body. I was not up in my head so much. Yesterday on day one I walked with someone else and talked. Today I was feeling more. I was feeling not only the pains in my knees and hip joints but also my buttocks. I began feeling muscles I have not felt in a long time. I began squeezing my butt cheeks and tightening my ab muscles.

I went for a second round today and doubled my time and my distance. I felt a sense of accomplishment. I felt less anxiety and more energy when I finished.

Yahoo!

COACH -

As you know, I am allergic to caffeine and drink decaf only so I still get to enjoy the great flavor of coffee.I admire your commitment and trust that your daily walks will become a welcome regime.

ME -

I have had the feeling before and been aware of it but now I am committed to getting rid of the effects coffee has on me.

Day 1 Walk

I walked with one of my students for 30 min.

It was wonderful.

We walked in the woods and explored as we went. It felt great.

I was not hungry.

I am going through anxiety some and fear. This is not due to food it is other things in my life.

I will eat more protein. I had limited groceries and have to make due until Friday. I did crave a soda late in the day but chose water.