STUFFocation

STUFFocation - Simply put, it's suffocation by stuff.

I find that my home and my body go hand in hand.

I have been battling the bulge in my body and also my home continues to get full of clutter.

I shed a few pounds and at the same time I am cleaning out my closets.

I remember when I lived in my condo in Wellington, I had it decorated with an Asian theme. Every item had it's place. There was not any clutter.

I long for that peace and serenity again.

Clarity. Peace. Creativity. Love

And SO IT IS.......

Out with the STUFF.

Day 12 - Feeling Frustrated

In David R. Hawkins book, Power vs Force, sadness, anxiety, frustration, depression and fear are low levels of consciousness.

I studied his book and his material a few years ago and I am finding it is time for a refresher.

I have glimpses and times where I swing between the lows (fear) and feelings the highs (joy).

I feel like I am on a ride a the fair where my stomach has that sick feeling as I feel the really high points with excitement and then I swoop until I hit rock bottom.

My goal is to be in higher states of consciousness such as happiness, joy, love and peace. These times we are living in now it seems that the collective consciousness is in fear and anger most of the time.

It is what I desire for myself and others to become aware and to clear what is holding us in this lower state. I will keep you posted as I become aware and we can release together.

Today is Halloween. I am excited to spend time with my kids watching them trick or treat.

NO CANDY FOR ME!!!!

Day 9 Turning Away Temptations

The candy witch was haunting me all day today.


She was tempting me with her goodies and I am so proud to say I pushed them away.

WOW ! Do I feel great.

I have made such great strides in such a short time. Not only is my waistline decreasing and so is my negative self talk.

I can look at the candy witch with her goodies and when she says, "Come here my pretty." It feels so good to say HELL NO.

I am creating a NEW life. One of Power and Passion.

The temptations that caused me dis-ease and unhappiness do not have a place in my life. YAHOO!

I walked 2 times today. I will not take a day off again.

What About Me

Day 8 I Feel Like Crap

I give and give to make sure everyone else is happy and then I find myself saying ,"Well what about me?"

I support my kids and listen to their dreams and desires.

I make the family dinner and take care of every ones basic needs.

I do things to bring happiness to friends.

But what about me?

Why do I feel guilty buying a cell phone for me?
Why do I do without so my kids can have?

I think I have entered the Parent Trap. I have gone from Selfish to Selfless.

Ewe that doesn't feel so good.

My cup of life seems to have more holes of giving than I am receiving .

I want support. I want others to care about my dreams and desires especially my family.

I have asked. I have begged. I have thrown temper tantrums and nothing seems to help.

I am now going to pray and go inward. I am committed to changing this from the inside out.

I know I will drop some weight when I move through this one.

I have been tollerating it for way to long.

Day 5 - Roller Coaster Ride to Freedom

Here is a recent photo of myself on my horse Scribbles. I want you all to see the before and after. I want to share my loss with you and hopefully it will inspire you to take action and let loose all your unwanted baggage right along with me.

Can you see my deflated tire around my mid section? Look closer.

One of my daughter claims that I am not fat while my little one tells me the truth and says, " Mom you have a fat belly. Please loose it so you can wear nice clothes. "

I did have a WIN today. I put on a pair of pants that I have not been able to fit in for 4 -5 months and it was awesome. I fit in them with ease and room to spare.

It is amazing the impact of a few days of commitment and focus will have on ones self-esteem and life. I am sure my energy and balloon is flying a bit higher today than yesterday.

Now to my Roller Coaster Ride

Today I woke up feeling uneasy right off the bat. I must not have dumped my thoughts before I went to bed so first thing this morning I just wanted to crawl back in bed.

I had a task to do today that I was unsure about. I could have turned left and fallen off the top of the roller coaster or taken the right and road the highs with exhilaration. I choose the right road. It lead me up and down but it was fun. The other choice was one the was filled with heart ache and fear.

I started to tell Danielle that she could not lease the horse that she has been waiting to bring home for months. This horse will take her to the next level. She was crushed and depressed. I was scared about taking on another horse in this economy and also it was such a formal lease but it should have been cause he is a $40,000 horse. They are allowing her to have him for free. We just have to maintain his feed and up keep. He has so much to teach her.

I was allowing my fear to create more victim circumstances instead of trusting my higher self.

I decided to get into action. I got on the phone and when I began to connect with opportunities magical things began to happen.

I WAS CREATING MIRACLES

I felt all the pressure release and even though we had to drive 85 miles to Gainesville in the rain hauling a horse trailer and drive back with a new horse, it all went so smoothly.

I felt FREE! I was flying.

Well that is until we pulled back into town and stopped at Winn Dixie to get some groceries. The girls walked out of the store ahead of me and one of my negative relatives happened to confront the girls about why we had the horse trailer. We plugged back into the negativity and began saying harsh things to one another until we realized what was happening.

I know this is just another one of my sand bags that I must toss over the rail and let loose of some more weight.

Whew this is getting to be fun.

What will tomorrow bring?

I am excited that the results are visible and people are already noticing my weight loss.

Congratulations to ME!

PAT PAT PAT on my back.

Day 4 Food Log

I goofed. I have to admit I am writing this late and I have forgot some of the things I had to eat yesterday.

What I find funny about this is that as a human I can obsess of something that happened to me as a child and remember every detain but ask me what I ate yesterday and I do not have a clue.

Why is it that we make the past pains so important and the fuel we put into our temple so vague?

I focus on putting a better quality food in my mouth and I have stopped watching TV and I have given up coffee. I will work on my short term memory but here goes my attempt at yesterdays list.

7:30 am
water

8:30
1 cup Live Active Cereal
1/4 cup milk

I am not going to list all my glasses of water today by the hour but I did drink more than a gallon.

11 am
1/2 w/w pita bread
large table spoon of peanut butter

1 pm
apple

4 pm
piece of chicken

6 pm
sliced chicken
sliced beed
sliced pork
slice tomato
2 slices pickel
5 french fries
( what is really cool here is that I went to a resturant and ordered my usual club sandwich and I got rid of the bread and I only ate have the sandwich. That is a HUGE change !!! ) I did drink a pepsi but my first for the week.

9 pm
water

Day 4 What a Doozie

I feel change in the air.

My morning started off sort of crazy. I went for a short walk with kids in hand. They really wanted to go and are enjoying the adventures so I decided I would walk again later for me.

Wow! Three days ago I was only going for one 15 - 30 minute walk and just barely accomplishing that. Who would have know that today I would be motivated to go on not just 2 walks but I accomplished 4 walks.

YAHOO!

My husband and I have had a hard week this week. I allowed my daughter to get a small Yorkie for her 15th birthday because that is the only thing she wanted. Her father died in January and her brother who was 35 died 1 year ago also. This was her first birthday without her dad and he always made her birthday as magical as he could. She wanted the dog and how was I going to deny her of the one thing she wanted. I went against my husband and got the dog for her. Needless to say he is not talking to me. He has not talked to me all week. I do know that our relationship the way it is and has been for a long time is weighing me down.

I know that when I took on this journey of letting go of the things that are weighing me down that things were about to change in my life. Well it looks like they surely are. My energy is changing and so are the things around me.

I have more energy already. I am eating completely differently. I am fueling my body in the best way I can by what I am choosing to eat, what I am doing, who I am speaking with, and the environments I am surrounding myself with.

Before I married my husband, I very seldom watched TV. Now I am watching TV every night. I conformed and I hate it. I remember my mother giving in to my dad's bad habits. She wanted him to come home after work and instead he went to the local watering hole. She would have to go find and make him come home for dinner. She finally stopped trying to get him home and started joining him so she could see him. She hated it. I do not want to continue doing something I hate. We are eating dinner in front of IT. THE LIFE STEALER The shows my husband wants to watch are either mindless Sponge Bob which is full of nasty innuendos or Cop shows. UGH! I always said I never wanted to watch life happening on a TV instead I want to LIVE my life fully. I want to feel things, touch them and see them.

Tonight was so refreshing because he is mad so he went out to his cave. I call his workshop his cave. Who knows what he was thinking about but it was nice for me. I cleaned and cleaned. I spoke to a few friends and felt like a busy little bee, buzzing all around getting so many things accomplished that I ordinarily would not have done.

During my coaching call with my accountability partner, she made a suggestion that begin to work on my foundation. I agreed that would be a great place to focus my attention on. I know I have a lot to learn in this area. I can not say as if I have ever had my foundation really established. I have resisted it. I also can not say as if I even know what that would look like. But I am willing to learn.

I found myself today wanting to get a job. I want to bring in a steady income where I can get caught up on my bills and put money away in saving. I want a fun job that pays well. I want to do it from home or close by. I want it to energize me while at the same time feed my soul. I want my family to be happy for me and support me in my choice. I would like to focus on supporting someone else to get to their dream life and in turn that would push me one step closer to mine.

I think this would be a great first step at establishing my foundation.

I have a commitment to loose 50lbs and to have $5000 or better in my saving by May 1st 2009.

I already feel my life changing and tomorrow I am going to release some more weights.

Picture this... My life is a HOT AIR BALLOON

I am right now tethered down and I have so many sand bags in my basket the no matter how much hot air ( fuel ) I put in to create the life I want, it just isn't going to happen.

As I continue on this path, I will be taking the many sand bags and tossing them out while rising to new heights. I will be able to see amazing new possibilities. I will be soaring on new currents of air that will carry me to new opportunities to meet new people and see fabulous new places.

My goal is to toss the sand bags out with lightning speed no matter what they are.

UP UP AND AWAY I GO!!!!!!!!!

Day 3 Journal Entry

I began my walk a little later today. I began at 10 am and 3 kids wanted to walk with me. They asked and I said sure.

Well after we began I said to myself, " Why did you say yes? This is your time. Why did you allow them to come before you? How stupid are you? "

I descided today to go back into the woods and walk where I could explore and see new things along the journey instead of in the open pasture. It was wonderful except that I could not connect with nature because I had kids asking questions and stomping through the woods. If one was not talking then the other one was. They were hitting dead trees with sticks and my peace and serenity was long gone.

I did not feel my body like the day before. I was not aware of my muscles or my breathing. I could feel my knee pain but that was about it.

I saw some little hills that looked like fun to climb to push the level of intensity up on my walk so I trotted up and down them 5 times before walking ahead. It was fun. Each day I want to increase in some way. I want my fitness to be better and my health greater because of it.

My 6 year old suggested that we skip high and reach the sky. I did that also and it was exhilerating. I saw how planted my feet are to the ground. It was really difficult to jump up and feel light. I felt as I had 1000 pounds straped to my ankles holding me fixed to the ground.

I am thinking about how light I am now and going to be even lighter in the future.

I feel myself like a balloon effortlessly floating with the wind.

Tomorrow I will be walking alone.

Me, Myself and I

Day 2 Food List

8 am
glass of water

9am
1 cup Post Live Active Cereal
1/4 cup 2% milk

10 am
tomato - sliced
water

11 am
1/2 cup baked chicken slices
1 inch piece of hard sharp cheddar cheese
water

1 pm
small orange

4 pm
water

6 pm
1 cup red beans and rice
1/2 baked chicken
1 cup mixed vegtables - broccoli, carrots, corn, water chestnuts
water

7 pm
water

8 pm
water

9 pm
10 animal cookies
water

Coach -

Thanks for getting that to me.It doesn't seem like you are eating enough.Increase your protein, have protein at each meal.Eat veggies. Good job with water and schedule.Did you feel hungry. What emotions came up? Any urges or cravings?

Me -

I was not hungry.

I am going through anxiety some and fear. This is not due to food it is other things in my life.

I will eat more protein. I had limited groceries and have to make due until Friday. I did crave a soda late in the day but chose water.

Coach -

Please walk and journal to release some stress. Remember you have a buddy.

Day 2

Day 2 11 AM

I began my walk today with a great sense of anxiety in my body and mind. I was looking forward to my walk that is not where the anxiety was coming from . It was from my life. I notice also that when I drink a cup of coffee in the morning it heightens the feelings of fear. I am giving up drinking coffee and I will now switch to tea and see how that effects me.

I live in the county on a beautiful equestrian farm. I have many acres of pasture and woods to talk my morning walks in. I found today when I walked alone I had more of a connection to my body. I was not up in my head so much. Yesterday on day one I walked with someone else and talked. Today I was feeling more. I was feeling not only the pains in my knees and hip joints but also my buttocks. I began feeling muscles I have not felt in a long time. I began squeezing my butt cheeks and tightening my ab muscles.

I went for a second round today and doubled my time and my distance. I felt a sense of accomplishment. I felt less anxiety and more energy when I finished.

Yahoo!

COACH -

As you know, I am allergic to caffeine and drink decaf only so I still get to enjoy the great flavor of coffee.I admire your commitment and trust that your daily walks will become a welcome regime.

ME -

I have had the feeling before and been aware of it but now I am committed to getting rid of the effects coffee has on me.

Day 1 Walk

I walked with one of my students for 30 min.

It was wonderful.

We walked in the woods and explored as we went. It felt great.

I was not hungry.

I am going through anxiety some and fear. This is not due to food it is other things in my life.

I will eat more protein. I had limited groceries and have to make due until Friday. I did crave a soda late in the day but chose water.